Chopin. The same piece she had made me rehearse relentlessly.
“I drew something for you.”
He held up a drawing: our family standing under the porch. My mother was at the upstairs window, surrounded by flower boxes.
“I didn’t know which flowers you liked, so I drew them all.”
She took it delicately, as if it might tear.
“I drew something for you.”
“Here, we don’t shout,” he added. “Dad says that shouting makes it hard for the house to breathe…”
She clenched her jaw. She blinked, but said nothing.
We sat down at the kitchen table. Anna had prepared tea and banana bread, and a warm smell filled the small room.
My mother barely touched her cup.
“Here, we don’t shout.”
“It could have been different. You could have been someone, something. You could have been great, Jonathan.”
“I am somebody, Mom,” I replied. “I just stopped playing for you, for the only person who never applauded me.”
My mother opened her mouth, then closed it again. She looked down at the drawing. Across the table, Aaron smiled at me, and next to me, Anna squeezed my knee.
“My father said the same thing when I brought your father home, you know? He said I was ruining everything. And when he left me…”
“I just stopped playing for you.”
She swallowed hard before speaking again.
“I built a life you couldn’t question, Jonathan. I thought if everything was perfect, nobody would leave. Not like he did. I thought control meant security.”
“You still lost us,” I said, without taking my eyes off her. “And that’s because you didn’t give us a choice.”
She didn’t deny it. For the first time in my life, my mother looked at me without trying to fix anything.
“You’ve still lost us.”
Anna, who had said almost nothing during the visit, finally looked across the table.
“Jonathan chose us. But we’re not a punishment. And you don’t have to be the bad guy, Margot. Unless you keep acting like one.”
My mother didn’t answer. She left half an hour later. There was no hug, no apology.
She left half an hour later. There was no hug, no apology.
That evening, just before going to bed, my phone rang.
I didn’t expect it to be her. At first, I could only hear her breathing, shallow and irregular. Then her voice, which she was struggling to contain.
“I didn’t know it would have this effect,” she told me. “Your house… the way your son smiled at you… the way your wife looked at you, as if she trusted you completely.”
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