I was an idiot.
I prided myself on having an honest marriage.
Thirty-nine years later, I stood in the rain and watched them lower Thomas into the earth.
“A heart attack,” the doctors said. They told me it was quick.
“At least he didn’t suffer,” they murmured during the wake.
I simply nodded. People say that as if it provided some kind of cushioning for the fall, but it didn’t.
Grief is a silent thing after four decades. It doesn’t scream. It simply reminds you that the space on the other side of the table is now a permanent vacant space.
I stood in the rain and watched them lower Thomas into the earth.
Thomas was not a man of secrets. At least, that’s the story I told myself for half my life.
He was open, kind, and predictable.
But there was one exception.
At the end of our corridor was a cupboard. He kept it locked. Always.
Every time I asked him what was inside, he replied, “Just old paperwork, Margaret. Nothing interesting.”
I believed him.
Thomas was not a man of secrets.
When you’re married this long, you trade certain curiosities for peace. You stop digging into little mysteries because you trust the man who holds the key. But once Thomas left, I couldn’t ignore that locked door anymore.
After the funeral, I sorted his sweaters and folded his Sunday shirts.
Every time I headed towards the room, that locked door at the end of the corridor seemed to get heavier.
At first, I thought it was disrespectful to look. Everything he kept there belonged to him, and if he wanted to be buried, I should let him die.
But I couldn’t.
Once Thomas had left, I could no longer ignore that locked door.
On the tenth day of my widowhood, I picked up the phone and called a locksmith. When the locksmith arrived, a young man with a heavy tool belt and a bored expression, I stood back and watched.
The metallic click of the lock finally giving way echoed in the narrow hall. The door creaked open. The air inside was thick and smelled of dust and yellowed paper.
No skeletons were hanging from hooks.
There were only stacks of boxes and a heavy metal safe sitting on a shelf.
I picked up the phone and called a locksmith.
“Do you want me to blow this one up too?” asked the locksmith, pointing to the safe.
” Please. ”
I sat down on the floor and pulled the first box towards me while the locksmith started working on the safe. Inside, I found bundles of letters tied together with coarse string. They looked to be several decades old.
I took one out and read the first few lines.
I found bundles of letters tied together with coarse string.
Tom, the check arrived yesterday. Thank you. I didn’t know how I was going to pay for the cleats and the league fees this month. He doesn’t know where the money came from. I told him it came from an old friend of his father’s. I hope it’s all right. He sometimes asks about you. — M
In that heartbeat, I realized I should have forced the situation while he was alive, or never opened that closet.
My skin was cold. I opened the next one.
Tom, the check arrived yesterday. Thank you.
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