I didnât know what to say to that. I still donât.
What I knew about Grigori before his illness could have fit on a single page. He was a quiet man who had been married for forty-one years to a woman named Irina, who died when Viktor was twenty-three. He had worked as a machinist, then as a foreman, then in retirement had spent his days in a workshop behind the house where he repaired clocks and watchesânot for money, but because he said the mechanisms made sense in a way the world didnât. He drank tea, not coffee. He read history books. He voted in every election and told no one who he voted for. He kept a workshop so clean you could eat off the bench, and he locked it when he wasnât inside, not because he didnât trust anyone but because he believed that a manâs private space was exactly that.
During those eight months, I learned the rest. I learned that he had wanted to be a teacher but his father had told him teaching was for people who couldnât build things, and heâd believed it because you believe your father when youâre seventeen even when your father is wrong. I learned that he had proposed to Irina three times before she said yes, and that he considered those two rejections among the best things that had ever happened to him because they taught him that anything worth having required patience. I learned that he had read every book in the local libraryâs history section, some of them twice, and that he could recite passages from Tolstoy and Chekhov from memory but was embarrassed by this because he thought it made him seem pretentious.
I learned that he had loved Viktor completely and without reservation, and that this love had not diminished even as Viktor proved, year after year, that he didnât deserve it. Grigori never said a word against his son. Not when Viktor didnât visit. Not when Viktor didnât call. Not when I told him, carefully, that Viktor had sold the armchair Grigori used to sit in because it âstill smelled.â Grigori listened to that, blinked once, and said, âHe was always sensitive to smells. Even as a boy.â
The grace of that response made me want to cry and throw something simultaneously.
Viktor came once during those eight months. Once. He stood in the doorway of the rented room, looked around with the expression of someone touring a property they had no intention of buying, and said, âYou look thinner, Dad.â He stayed for eleven minutesâI know because I watched the clock, unable to stop myself from measuring. He didnât sit down. He didnât touch his father. When he left, he told me heâd transfer money for the medical expenses. The transfer never came.
On the night before Grigori died, he barely spoke. His breathing had changedâheavier, with longer pauses between breaths that made me lean forward each time, waiting for the next one the way you wait for the second shoe to drop, knowing it will but not knowing when. I sat beside the bed holding his hand, which had become so thin I could feel every bone, every tendon, the architecture of a hand that had once rebuilt clock mechanisms with the precision of a surgeon and now couldnât close around my fingers without effort.
The room was quiet. The radiator clicked softly. Outside, a car passed, its headlights sweeping the ceiling in a slow arc.
Then Grigori pulled me closer. His grip tightened with a strength I didnât know he still hadâthe sudden, focused force of a man who has one thing left to say and knows the window for saying it is measured in minutes.
âBehind the old mirror,â he whispered. âIn my workshop. Break the wall.â
His eyes were open, clear, more lucid than theyâd been in daysâas if whatever fog the medication and the disease had wrapped around his mind had parted for this one moment, this one instruction, this one final act of will.
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